Who Knew
by kennedymommy3
Summary: She made her choice years ago, but sometimes the decisions made at eighteen can haunt you forever. All Human, Rated M for language and mild content.


**A/N: ::sighs:: So this is different from anything I've ever written. As much as it's fiction, it isn't. This is me baring it all for yall to see. Thanks to the beta, Certain Shades of Blue for everything you've done. Thanks to luvinj for holding this mess I call me together for these past seven months. I couldn't have survived without you. Anyway, I don't own anything Twilight related. The rest is all mine. Btw, the title comes from the song by Pink. You can watch the video here http:/www (dot) youtube (dot )com/watch?v=NJWIbIe0N90&ob=av3e -km3-**_  
><em>

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><p><em><strong>If someone said three years from now<strong>_  
><em><strong> You'd be long gone<strong>_  
><em><strong> I'd stand up and punch them out<strong>_  
><em><strong> Cause they're all wrong and<strong>_  
><em><strong> That last kiss<strong>_  
><em><strong> I'll cherish<strong>_  
><em><strong> Until we meet again<strong>_  
><em><strong> And time makes<strong>_  
><em><strong> It harder<strong>_  
><em><strong> I wish I could remember<strong>_  
><em><strong> But I keep<strong>_  
><em><strong> Your memory<strong>_  
><em><strong> You visit me in my sleep<strong>_  
><em><strong> My darling<strong>_  
><em><strong> Who knew<strong>_

_**Who Knew -Pink  
><strong>_

_The first time she ever saw him – him, with his unruly, copper-colored hair and his perfect bone structure, actually perfect everything – she hated him instantly. Everything he was and everything he stood for disgusted her. He was rich and just too perfect in all that he did. At least, that was what she tried to tell herself over and over, but when he noticed her, really noticed her, she couldn't lie to herself anymore. _

"_So Bella, someone told me they want to talk to you." Jessica gave an all-too knowing smile. Fake. Always so fake. Why couldn't she have made some _real _friends when she moved to this town? Freshman year was hard enough as it was. Fake friends only caused that much more trouble._

"_Oh yeah? Who?" Bella stuffed her books in her backpack and slammed her locker closed. As she looked down the hall, it didn't take long to figure it out. He was staring right at her, giving a timid wave when he saw her looking his way._

"_What does Edward Cullen want to talk to me about?" She turned and started walking the other way without offering him a second look. _

~o0o~

"Hey."

"Hey, you." It started like every other phone call they'd shared. Simple words, nothing too heavy, although the tension was there in the words left unspoken.

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Staying at Angela's, you?" It had been two years since she had seen him off to college. Everyone had told her how they had seen him around town, home for the summer. She wished she was as lucky as the rest.

"Nothing, mind if I come by?" He wanted to see her too, just as much as she wanted to see him. He still cared, even after what she'd done to him.

"Let me ask Ange, but I'm sure she won't mind." The line was muffled as she turned and asked her friend, hoping she knew to be discreet with this information when around Edward. "Yeah, that's fine, just come over whenever you want."

"Okay."

When he arrived, it was just as easy as it had always been with him. Both knew they had things to talk about, but instead they drew the night out with Dance Dance Revolution on the Playstation and a bottle of Jose Cuervo 1800.

After Angela had passed out and the house was quiet, the two found their way outside, sitting on the steps that led up the backside of the house.

"So how's school? Found a girlfriend yet?" She didn't want to know the answer to the last question, but she felt he deserved to be happy. If that meant him finding someone else, she'd swallow her feelings and be as happy as she could be for him. After all, she had Edward. It shouldn't have mattered if he wasn't single anymore.

"School's good and no, no one special, just the random drunken orgy." His eyes crinkled when he smiled at her. Not sure whether or not he was joking, she smiled too, because the validity of his statement didn't really matter. He was smiling, and that was enough for her.

"So I talked to Kim the other day. She said Leah told her we dated back in the day." She nudged his shoulder with her own. She didn't know how to feel about this. As much as she struggled with almost saying those three words to him, dating wasn't exactly what she would have called what they had.

"Really? I don't think we were dating." Her heart fell at his words – was she not good enough for him to date? "Because if that were true, I never would have let you go."

They sat in silence, neither one wanting to end the night, but knowing that the coming dawn would shine light on all the things they'd rather not deal with at the moment. They just wanted to enjoy each other with the little time they had together.

After a while, they talked about earlier times, the easy days of high school and the friends they used to share. When the sun broke out between the tree branches, he rose to leave with her following him. He kissed her, not as gently as one would think appropriate since she was still with Edward. The kiss wasn't appropriate at all, but it was a necessity, for the both of them.

She came to realize that night that because of the choice she'd made, she would never have more with him than these small stolen moments of time.

_~o0o~_

"_Alright, class. Now, you need to make sure you're all ready to go by eight o'clock tomorrow morning. We'll be arriving in Bellvue around eleven, so we need to get going as early as we can if we're going to make Opening Ceremonies." Mrs. Allison was always very punctual, but her rowdy seniors were another story. _

"_Hey Bella. Don't forget to bring that jacket tomorrow, okay?" Angela Webber spoke to her over the hustle and bustle of the twenty-one seniors who were trying to make a hasty exit. _

"_Sure, Ange, and could you please remember to bring those shoes for my dress? Ugh, this trip is wearing on my nerves with everything we have to bring." _

"_Yeah. Do you want me to come by after school so we can make sure we have everything?" _

"_That'd be great. I'll see you later then okay? I've got to go. Edward has to get to work by three-thirty."_

_Even though Bella griped about having to pack, Angela knew this trip would change things for Bella. She'd be able to get away from Edward and his 'asshole tendencies', even if just for a weekend. _

~o0o~

"I'm pregnant." A pause. "I'm not telling you that you're a daddy." Another pause, then quietly she added, "I just thought you should know."

"How far along?" This was the question she didn't want to answer. It would show how weak she had been when he was still here. How horribly wrong she had done him. She panicked, trying to figure out whether to lie or be honest, finally deciding on the former. It wasn't her finest moment, but one that she would grow to regret later down the road.

"About six weeks." Lie. "I just found out." Another lie.

"Oh." Doing the math, he would have found that with that amount of time, it had been right after he had left for college. But what he didn't know, was it had been six weeks since she found out she was six weeks along.

"Well that's a relief. I'd have been a shitty dad." He laughed, but there was no mirth in it.

"I doubt that, you're good with kids."

"Other people's maybe, but that's because you can send them home afterward. Plus, I think having a kid would totally cramp my bachelor lifestyle."

"Yeah, cause that would totally be a bad thing, saving poor unsuspecting girls the heartbreak of their life."

"Sure, sure." He laughed, then added, "Well hey, I've got to get to class. I'll call you later?" This didn't surprise her. He always ended their calls by asking if he'd call her later, but she didn't expect him to call this time. She could tell in his voice that he wouldn't be calling back for a while.

~o0o~

"_Okay, class, grab your partner, if you have one, and let's find our way into the hotel. Please try not to get lost." Mrs. Allison knew her attempts at holding their attention were fruitless. Because at eighteen, you know everything and teachers – according to the all-knowing seniors on this trip – knew shit. _

_The students found their way into the lobby of the Hyatt Regency and waited as patiently as impatient seniors could while their Marketing teacher checked in and received all of their room keys. _

_Sitting on a chaise lounge, listening to The Black Keys – a new Indie Rock band she tried desperately to like – Bella found herself squished next to a very hard and tanned body. Full lips were saying something to her, but because of the music blaring against her eardrums, she didn't hear a word. She removed the ear buds and looked up at the eyes that belonged to the beautiful face she should have known so well – she had only gone to school with him since kindergarten. Jacob Black sat, almost in her lap, smiling down at her. _

"_I'm sorry, I was saying there's no place else to sit, and I'm not a big fan of crowded places. I can move if you want." _

"_No, it's okay. I don't care much for crowds either." She smiled but looked back down at her hands in her lap. _

"_So what are you here for?" he asked. _

"_Hotel hospitality, you?"_

"_Oh, Leah and I are doing Retail Management. Do you have a partner on this or flying solo?"_

"_Angela. Ang is my partner."_

_The overly unenthusiastic students were beginning to grab key cards and head towards the elevators. _

"_Well, good luck to both of you. Hopefully, someone takes home a first place." He stood and grabbed his duffel bag._

"_Yeah, you too. Good luck." She stood and found her way over to Angela._

"_Ready to go find our room? I can't believe we're staying here;, it's probably the nicest hotel I've ever been in. You know how cheap my parents are." Angela wrapped her arm around Bella's and began dragging her toward the elevators. _

_Two days later..._

_It was unseasonably warm out for this time of year in Washington which was very welcomed by Bella and Angela, as well as some of their classmates on the trip. The group of friends found their way down to the swimming pool. She was very surprised to see Jacob Black joining in the impromptu _  
><em>get-together, since the attendees were very much <em>not _his first choice in company, but join the fun he did, especially when Jessica Stanley suggested everyone should give someone else a back rub. Of course, she offered herself up to Jacob, in more ways than one, but he seemed to be only interested in rubbing Bella's shoulders. _

_She was very nervous about this, having not really spoken to Jacob since childhood besides the fact that Edward was at home and she was allowing another guy to touch her half naked body, but she allowed him to loosen the tension she felt in her shoulders with little coercion. It surprised her that she felt jealous at the thought of Jessica being able to rub Jacob's shoulders, but the thought was fleeting; he seemed to let everyone massage his shoulders. _

_Bella was overjoyed when it was announced that she and Angela would be traveling to Nashville, Tennessee for the National Deca Competition, but quickly brought down from that joy when she realized that Jacob and Leah would not be attending – second place was not National Competition material. _

_The bus ride home was an interesting one because she sat with him the whole way home. Conversations and laughter carried in the air around them, but it was as if they were in their own little bubble, never once surfacing from their hiding spot in the middle seats of the bus until they arrived home. _

_Edward wasn't there waiting for her. Undoubtedly, he'd filled his time and his bed with Lauren Mallory while Bella was away and couldn't be bothered to pick her up as promised. Things had changed over the course of her trip, but she couldn't really bring herself to regret any of it. _

~o0o~

"Can I come over?" He sounded like he had been drinking, but she didn't care. She hadn't seen him in so long and just wanted to look in his dark onyx eyes again.

"Yeah." Renesmee was asleep, and she felt so alone – of course he could come over.

"Good, I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay." The line went dead and she laid the phone down. He had been off to school, and Edward was off being Edward, neglecting the fact that he had someone with his child waiting on him to want to be with them.

She wouldn't let thoughts of Edward ruin this night for her though. No, tonight she would see _him, _and Edward would be the one pushed to the deepest, farthest recesses of her mind. When the knock came at the door, she brushed her hair back and turned the knob, smiling once she saw him leaning against the door jamb.

She was right – he had been drinking, but that wasn't something new. He always drank – that was just his way of dealing with the hand he was dealt.

He rambled on and on about nothing and everything for hours, ignoring the fact that she was almost asleep on the couch next to him. She didn't care that she had work in the morning, as long as she got to sit and spend time with him for just this little bit.

When Renesmee woke up crying, he began to excuse himself. However before he left, curiosity got the better of him, and he asked to see her.

"She's beautiful... just like her mother." he said when Bella brought the child to the living room.

"Thank you." She blushed. He sat and stared at her for a few moments with the baby in her arms, possibly wishing it was _his _child on her lap instead.

"I guess I'd better get going. I'll call you later this week. Maybe we can do lunch."

"Okay." He kissed her forehead on the way out the door. She locked it and put her baby back to sleep, all the while thinking of what a mess she was making of things.

He was her past, and that was where he should have stayed. The phone call never came; he left to go back to school and she went about her duties as a mother and bread winner for her two member family.

_~o0o~_

_Spring break came and with it thoughts of seeing Jacob while Edward was in Ohio. Ten whole days of no school and a very blossoming friendship, because truly that's all it was, brought a smile to her face as she pulled into Jack-In-The-Box. _

"_Oh my gawd, Bella, you would not believe who just came through the drive-thru. Okay, it was Jacob Black! I gave him your number; you can thank me later. Now hurry up and get home so you don't miss his call." Angela thrust a bag of egg rolls and bacon-cheddar potato wedges at her as she muttered a thanks and drove towards home faster than legally acceptable. _

_As fast as she drove, it wasn't fast enough. She had just missed the call by a minute. Disappointment filled her as she cursed her dad for not investing in Caller-ID for the millionth time. She had no way of calling him back. Just five measly dollars a month she'd be willing to pitch in herself to prevent things like this from happening. _

_Lizzie Handley, one of Bella's best friends, showed up while she tried desperately not to look like a complete cry baby over the situation. After being informed of what had happened, Lizzie helped her search for a phone book._

_She begged and pleaded with Lizzie to call and just ask for him. Being shy had its downfalls, with no visible perks in sight._

_Lizzie agreed, and Bella waited with bated breath for someone to pick up on the other end. When she heard a male voice, she silently squealed, bouncing up and down on the couch in that way that young girls tend to do sometimes. _

"_Oh, okay, well can you just have him call Bella back whenever he gets in? Okay, thanks. Bye." _

_Bella found herself once again filled with disappointment when Lizzie relayed to her that Jacob would be going to Montana for the week and wouldn't be back until Sunday. But more than that, she found that guilt was tugging at her heart. The guilt of knowing that Edward, too, was leaving for the week, and she hadn't thought to spend any time with him. As much as she hated it, after everything he had done to her, she still loved him. Possibly it was just the fact that he was her first love, and she wasn't quite ready to give him up completely. _

~o0o~

"I'm marrying him," she said.

"Oh," was all he said. He wouldn't say anything to try to change her mind. He knew it would do no good. He obviously wasn't enough for her back then, so why would he be now?

"I just... it's what I should do." she said, trying for nonchalance. Keeping her feelings for him suppressed was how things went ever since _that _day.

"I'm never getting married. Probably won't ever have kids either. Marriage and kids are for people who want to grow old."

"You don't want to grow old?" she questioned, knowing it was his way to make the conversation lighter. This was just how things were with him. Delving towards deeper emotions was just something he didn't do, even if his feelings were made clear through the few words he did say.

"Nope. I plan on being young forever." There was a sad smile in his voice.

"Maybe, I won't get married. Then I could stay young forever, too." They both knew this was a lie. She would marry, and he would fade from her every thought as if he'd never existed.

"We could be young together forever."

"Yeah, we could."

Silence, then, "I have to go. Renesmee is crying."

"Okay."

"Jake, I lo-... I'll talk to you later." She almost said it. She started to say it, but doing that to him now wasn't an option. It was just her selfishness taking everything he'd readily give her.

"Sure, sure." The line went dead, and both of them went about their lives just like after every other time she called him.

_~o0o~_

"_You were amazing." He leaned in and kissed her softly. The weight of his body on hers was wonderfully pleasing. _

"_So were you." She leaned her head up some to kiss him again. Small kisses were feathered across her face, the last being placed on her lips, becoming more intense. She knew in the morning things would be hard to sort through, but she couldn't bring herself to care. It wasn't like she was still with Edward if you got down to semantics. He was gone for the first half of summer, leaving her to her own musings. _

_The heated kiss led them into another round of soft touches, gentle thrusts, and whispered words of adoration. She by no means was a whore, but she had had her fair share of Mike Newtons and Tyler Crowleys, not to mention Edward. Being with Jacob was so different from everything she had ever experienced. Most guys at that age seemed to have one thing on their mind – their own needs- but not Jake. He truly cared about her being comfortable and happily catered to her every whim. _

~o0o~

She grabbed her keys and shooed Renesmee out the door. They were cutting it close on making it on time to school, and she couldn't afford to have her late again. Edward would be pissed if he actually knew how many times this had happened. Phone in hand, she rushed her little girl into the giant SUV Edward insisted she needed.

_Can't have you two riding in something so low on the ground. I couldn't live with myself in anything happened to either of you, _he had said.

The buzzing of the phone startled her as she reversed out of the driveway and threw the vehicle into drive. She glanced down and saw it was Angela. She answered, thinking that her best friend of ten years was calling to tell her another one of her children's morning adventures with toothpaste or the like.

"Hey, Ang. I'm kinda busy right now, can I call you back?" She held the phone in between her shoulder and cheek.

"Bella." Her friend's voice was dripping with something resembling pity. She didn't understand why, but couldn't find the time to deal with this. She had to get her little girl to school on time for once this week. "I wasn't sure if you had heard, I … I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Sorry? About what, Ang?"

"It was all over Facebook this morning. I didn't know if it was him or one of his sisters, but then I saw his name and I... Jake died, Bella. He's dead." It seemed her heart realized the words before her brain did because the physical pain of what Angela was telling her was too much. Her heart was breaking into millions of little shards while her brain couldn't be wrapped around those words. Tears clouded her vision before spilling silently down her cheeks.

_Dead. _

_Jake's dead. _

It couldn't be true. Someone would have called her. Someone would have let her know somehow. Facebook? That was how people were being notified? She knew that was how things were these days. Everyone couldn't wait to post the latest piece of gossip on there, even if it was the death of someone she loved.

"Hello? Bella? Are you okay?"

"No, Ang, I'm not. What uh, ho- uh, hold on." She couldn't get the words out that she wanted to say. Her only hope at this point was that her friend would know her well enough to understand what she wanted to know. She leaned over and dug through the glove box, looking for a Kleenex or napkin to wipe her face.

"Bella? I'm not real sure, but from what I gathered, it was because of his drinking. Undoubtedly he drank himself into some sort of coma. But," a pause, then, "Honestly, Bella, did you really _not_expect this?" With that statement – one that most others would have shrugged off as word vomit – Bella lost a fissure of respect she held for Angela. If anyone knew what he had meant to her, Angela did. And words like that, no matter how true they may have been, cut bone deep with Bella.

"I have to go. I'm dropping Ness off at school. I'll call you back." She hung up and pulled over to the side of the road, not caring anymore about tardiness or blaring horns that passed her. She simply sat and cried. For every memory that had once been shared with someone else, but now were hers alone – the parties, the drunken nights in his garage, the bonfires down on the beach, every time they bore their bodies and shared themselves with each other. For everything she should have said years before, but couldn't find the courage to say. For the daughter and husband she had that she was being so selfish towards in that moment.

_~o0o~ _

"_Just tell me the truth, and we can get past this. Did you or did you not sleep with him?"_

"_Edward, what does it matter? You didn't want me, remember? You didn't care about me when you had your fun with Lauren and Jessica! So why should you care if I did?" _

"_So you're admitting that you did? Get out of my way!" Edward walked around the corner of her house to where Jacob stood with Embry and Lizzie. _

"_What the fuck, man? You slept with my girl?" Edward yelled in his face, causing Jacob to stare at her with incredulity._

"_What are you talking about?" Jacob wasn't afraid of Edward, he just didn't want to cause any trouble for Bella. Chief Swan was likely to be very upset if he found the two fighting in his back yard. _

"_She said she slept with you. Is that true?" Edward yelled in his face, seething with anger. _

"_I.. ugh..." _

"_Edward, stop it! Just go home, and I'll talk to you tomorrow!" No one was making a move to break it up so she had to at least try to do something. _

"_Did you tell him that, Bella?" Lizzie asked. _

"_Yes. No. In so many words I guess I did, but I just wanted him to leave me alone. He said we could get past thi,s and that's all I wanted." She was in tears now, for what reason she wasn't even sure. _

"_Look, man, I think you need to just go home and cool it for the night. She said she wants you to go, so just do it already. You really don't want to push this anymore," Embry said, coming to stand next to Jake and flexing his biceps. _

_Embry was one of the nicest guys she had ever met, but everyone knew the Quileute boys were not a group you wanted to mess with. They were very a very close knit bunch, most being related in some way, and very loyal._

"_This isn't over," Edward sneered and turned to leave. Before he turned the corner or the house he hollered back to him, "Did she tell you that she's been fucking me this whole time?"  
><em>  
>"<em>Leave, Edward, before I go get the Chief!" Lizzie yelled and then he was gone. <em>

_She was so mortified and couldn't look him in the eye. It was true, but she wished like hell it wasn't. _

"_You okay?" he asked as he came and stood before her. She nodded her head and continued to look at their feet. _

"_I guess I'm gonna go. I think it's been a long night, and I need to get Embry home. But Bella, was it.. is.. is what he said true?" he asked. _

"_Jake, I.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I got you all caught up in this mess." Not answering the question answered it enough for him. He regarded her for a moment, then nodded his head._

"_It's okay, Bells. I'll call you tomorrow. Get you some sleep." Then he kissed her forehead and was gone. _

~o0o~

The ceremony celebrating his life wasn't small by any means. People came from all over to say goodbye to him. Quil shared stories of his life from when they were little, and Embry shared those from when he was older. Billy spoke of the side of his son that not many people got to see – the side that he kept reserved for those he allowed into his heart. A girl stood, and walked to the podium. She knew who the girl was before she ever opened her mouth. She had heard the rumors and couldn't help but remember his words spoken not so many years ago.

"_I'm never getting married. Probably won't ever have kids either. Marriage and kids are for people who want to grow old." _

"_You don't want to grow old?"_

"_Nope. I plan on being young forever."_

She couldn't help but think he had finally decided to grow old. He was giving up being young forever, and this girl was the reason why. She couldn't find it in her to hate the girl. No, if anything it was more pity that she felt towards her. Pity for the girl who found him and had to call 911. Pity for the girl who had thought she found her soul mate. Surely this girl's heart was broken far worse than her own. She still had Edward at home, she still had someone to hold her and try to piece her together when this was over, but this girl, Lindsey, she later learned the girl's name was, who did she have to piece her back together?

Sitting in that small council building, she allowed herself to feel everything she had pushed away for so many years. The shame and regret hit her as another sob broke from her chest. In the back of her mind she allowed herself to think the one thing she kept hidden from everyone, including herself on most days. Resentment. It was such a difficult word to swallow, but if she was being honest with herself, which was a hard thing for her to do as of late, she would have to own up to the feelings no mother should ever feel. It wasn't like she could ever admit it to anyone else, but a part of her, no matter how small that part was, resented her own daughter, the small child whose very existence changed it all.

Lindsey stepped down from the podium, tears streaming down her beautiful face, and took her seat between Rachael and Billy, fitting perfectly in with his family – something she never truly felt herself. She hadn't heard a single word the girl had to say about him. She knew him in every way that his fiancée did, so none of it would have been new. Same story, different girl.

His tribal culture had everyone standing, offering their voices to whatever spirits that would listen. It didn't feel right to her though. It didn't feel like Jake. Give him some Weezer and he was good, but not this...

When it was time to say the final goodbye, she found herself in line with too many people. How could this many people have known him? Truly known him? She hated funerals. It was always an event nosy spectators wanted to encroach on. They always wanted a glimpse and were there mainly for the social aspect, not remembering this was a person who meant the world to some. _Who meant the world to me, _she thought.

Making her way through the line of people, she caught sight of him. His glorious black hair was pushed to the side, not the spiky, disheveled look she remembered. He looked so different from the mental picture she kept inside her head. Nothing was the same about him, except his smile. The small smile that graced his face was the one he always gave her when he showed up at her house to hang out.

"Goodbye, Jake," was all she said, kissing her fingertips and placing them lightly on his lips before picking her way through the crowd and running for her car.

_~o0o~_

"_So when do you leave?" she asked. _

"_Tomorrow. My dad is driving me up, you know, to make sure I get settled in and that my roommate isn't an ax murderer." They both smiled at this before looking away. He toed the dirt with his shoe. Neither one really knew how to say what they wanted so they stood in an awkward silence – something that wasn't common between them. _

"_Jake -"_

"_Bella -" They both started. _

"_You go first," she told him. There was no way she was going to be able to put into words how she felt about him after these six months he'd been in her life. She was crazy if she thought telling him she loved him would make him go to a school closer to home, or even stay there._

"_Bells, I...," he paused, shaking his head then said, "I was going to ask if you still thought you might want to come up and see me sometime this semester. I imagine it'll get pretty boring having only Paul and Emily around." She smiled at this. After everything that had happened that summer, he still wanted to see her. He didn't know the extent of what went on when she spent time with Edward, although he had a good idea, but it was best if he were kept from knowing the whole truth. The least amount of chaos she caused his life, the better. She wasn't worth the trouble to him, or so she thought. _

"_I think that can be arranged." She smiled surreptitiously at him. _

"_What were you going to say?" he asked._

"_Huh?" His question caught her off guard. _

"_When we interrupted each other; what were you going to say?" Should she say it? Could she? It had seemed he began to say one thing, but shook it from his mind. Could she find it in herself to profess her feelings for him?_

"_I was just going to say that I got you a gift. It's corny, I know, but it'll help you out when you have parties. If you make mixed drinks anyways." No. She couldn't say it. In most instances, the boy always says it first, so it's no wonder that she couldn't find it in herself to pour out her heart to him. What if he didn't respond quite the way she wanted? _

_She walked over to the car and pulled out his gift. _

"_It's not much, but yeah." She shrugged. _

"_A blender. That's awesome, Bells. Thank you, you know me so well." He leaned in and kissed her deeply. She stood and reveled in all that was him; the way his hands slid over her sweat slicked skin; the way he smelled like... home. _

_When he pulled away, she knew what was coming. This was goodbye. He promised to be home for the holidays, but could she wait for him that long? Well, she already knew the answer to that. _

"_I'm going to be busy packing and telling everyone bye today so I'll call you while I'm driving, and when I get there. Okay?" His forehead leaned on hers. _

"_Be careful." She was fighting to hold back her tears. _

"_I will." A last look into each other's eyes before he reluctantly pulled away, heading to his truck without a single glance back. _

"_Jake, wait." She ran after him, reaching him before he made it to his truck. _

"_Yeah?" He looked down at her._

"_Jake, I... I'm gonna miss you." She still couldn't get the words out. _

"_I'm gonna miss you too, Bells. But we'll talk on the phone, and I'll be home for Thanksgiving. It's gonna fly by." He pulled her in for one more hug, and she inhaled his heady scent greedily. _

"_Okay." She pulled away and wiped underneath her eyes to catch any falling tears. _

"_I'll call you tonight." He kissed her forehead one last time. _

"_Sure, sure," she told him as she walked backwards towards the porch of her house. _

"_You better not forget, Black. I'll be waiting." She smiled at him while crossing her arms over her chest. _

"_You're the one with the crappy memory, Swan. I won't forget. I'll talk to you later." With that he was gone, and she was left counting down the days until she'd see him again._

~o0o~

She sat alone in her car, just having taken Renesmee to school. She couldn't fathom what they would say about her later, but she couldn't find it in herself to care either. The past year had been too much to handle. Life with Edward was a good one, even if they never had married. She would forever be Isabella Marie Swan. This small fact brought the resemblance of a smile to her face.

He was home every night. He bought her a house, a nice fancy car, and he truly adored her. Sure, it had taken them years to get to this point, but to those looking in, they were in a really good place.

No one knew how much it hurt her to realize the truth though – that he was gone. She would never tell anyone how much grief Jacob's death had really caused her. She had always thought it was Edward she couldn't live without, but she was wrong and now it was too late. She had made her decision a while ago and nothing or no one was going to stop her now.

Edward had offered to get her professional help, but she had turned it down. It wasn't fair to him for her to be so brokenhearted over someone from her past – to watch her waste away to nothing. He knew that in the end, he wasn't enough to keep her here. His only hope was that their daughter was. She had stopped eating, was barely sleeping, and in all actuality, became nothing more than a fixture in their home. She felt she was left with only one choice, no matter how much she had always felt it was never an option. _No matter how bad things were, they would always get better, _she had thought time and time again. Except this time, there was no getting better. Barely existing just wasn't a way to live anymore because in the end, a world without Jacob Black in it, wasn't a world worth living in.


End file.
